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Oh... October

Like many people, October is my favorite month of the year. The weather is perfect, the leaves are changing, and every business and home are doused in spook. So naturally, I am disappointed that It has been such a rough month for me. On one hand, beautiful things are happening. My friend and boss Tricia just had her baby, my partner just celebrated his birthday, I've recently gotten back into watercolors, my Mom is taking a beautiful anniversary vacation and I get to babysit my elderly dog. On the other hand, I got a flat tire 3 weeks ago, an ear infection 2.5 weeks ago, and contracted Covid19 over a week ago. Subsequently I missed 2 paychecks, dropped over 100 to service my car, missed an awesome collaborative art show at the sunken well tavern, spent over 100 on doctors appointments medication and at home covid tests, and had to get front desk homie Meaghan to reschedule over a weeks worth of clients all while I attempt to keep up with my online class which has a paper due in a week. All of this on top of being trapped inside again has been pretty hard on my mental health. I have felt guilty for not being at work and losing money not only for my household but for the shop, being involved in management as well as contract tattooing has an extra level of stress and responsibility especially since I have to be kept in the loop. I also felt guilty at first that I was too sick to make art, and then living in such a heavy fog that making art, reading, cleaning, or doing ANYTHING exhausted me. My class work has been suffering; my discussion boards for class have been lackluster, I've been procrastinating on my thesis and my outline. I've basically just been binge watching netflix shows with my dog and my partner.

I have anxiety about returning to the world while also being excited to finally get back to my life. I've maintained a pretty positive attitude about my negative circumstances even while I've been slightly depressed. I'm irritated by the situation, of course, but I don't feel hopeless just somehow overwhelmed. This whole situation has me investigating my attitude towards the necessity to be productive for myself and others. That's something I feel most artists can relate to.

I'm waiting on a covid test result this very moment. Wish me luck returning to work, and the world. Wish me luck with creating art, getting back into tattooing after being sick, navigating responsibilities, social interactions, and self care.

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